Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
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we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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