Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
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i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
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She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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