tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
