i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
