Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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