You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
