I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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