Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Two words: blizzard sex
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
