So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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