so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
