when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
