Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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