I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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