Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
FUCK WHALES
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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