getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
