took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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