Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
honey bunches of taint.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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