I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
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My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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