Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
