My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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