And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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