it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Porn is love you can see.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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