I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
