I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
