So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
