i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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