They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
