i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
