I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
