FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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