I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
