You're my little dorito
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
