Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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