I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
