wrigley field is MILF paradise
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
