spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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