I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
