Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
