watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
