:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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