with your own penis?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dear god my vagina.
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