I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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