First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
