it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
