Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
