You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
