well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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