id be glad to
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
