So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
