Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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