is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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