Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
