Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
