Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Is it because I queefed?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
