TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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