At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
