I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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