between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
