My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
