id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Still dying that you shit outside
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
