so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
