A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
