So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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