jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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