i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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