Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
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