Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
