Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
