maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
