he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
