im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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