he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
